Memories

Beware: if you're searching for uplifting inspiration, this post is definitely not it.And I apologise firsthand for pouring these uncheerful posts. I just find that writing is one of the best ways for me to pour out my feelings. And what's a better way than to post to the somehow anonymous world wide web.

It's been 3 days now since I heard of the news. I've got a midsem on Friday but seriously just cannot study properly. Mum and bro's in indo. The house's so quiet. And I don't particularly wanna study alone during these times. So library is where I reside, but each day instead of studying properly my mind just end up blurring into the reasons on why and how it might have happened.

I also started to think about the past. How when me, my sis, and bro were younger, we used to visit my cousin's family. We'd be so happy cos it means that it would be lots of fun times. One fond memory was when we used to pretend we were Power Rangers. My sister and my cousin's sister, got to choose who they want to be first. My sister was the pink one (Kimberley) and my cousin's sister was the Yellow Power Ranger. My bro was the blue, and my cousin chose the Red one. Since I was the youngest, I was left to become the Black power ranger. I used to complain, but now I think about it, it's still pretty cool!

Another memory was when all 5 of us were watching some men playing billiard (pool). I was so young then and I was so captivated by the game, I didn't realise my sister, bro, and my 2 cousins left me alone and hid behind a bush. Apparently they saw a crazy woman coming near and they quickly hide, leaving me behind. Suddenly the crazy woman (I didn't know she was crazy) talked to me: "Aunty kiss you okay??" And she bent down and kissed me. Then all 4 of them laughed from behind the bushes. I was like: grrhhhhh u guys r so mean!!! Later on my uncle and aunty laughed after hearing the story and told me to wash my cheek.

Lots of other memories.. of those fun times.. Then we grew up, my family moved to Australia, so the last time I met him would be about 7 or 8 years ago. It's so sad that now we will never have a chance to meet him and catch up.

Today, me and my sister looked through some blogs and threads posted in memory of my cousin by his friends. There was this blog post from his med friend. Reading about it made me so proud, because the stuff that makes me respect him is not just in my mind, but that friend and lots others think the same way too. Tomorrow would be his burial. Let's hope that everyone can finally let go.. It may have been the closing of one's chapter, but there's still new pages to be filled by the rest of us.

Up and down

Things were going really good until..................................... Sunday morning.
Heard the news that my cousin passed away. Just cannot believe it. He is so young. The boy everyone's proud of. He graduated to be a doctor, had a big dream of specializing in Cardiology and paved out his plans (to study PhD and to become a fellow professor in Paris). He was inspired to be a cardiologist after my grandpa passed away cos of stroke. He was known as the caring, loving, mature brother. His younger brother love him so much. He didn't waste his parents money even though they were rich. He strives to achieve not by money or his parent's power, but by his own abilities (even though these days anything can be gained via money esp in Indo). He invented a device that's affordable for the poorer people to diagnose cancer early and was sent by the university to give a talk in Netherlands about it. He was an awesome drummer in his band. He was known among his lecturers. Anyone who knew him in person would be proud to even be an acquaintance. But the Lord has His ways. All things come to an end, and sadly he was called back home. It saddens me so much to think about the childhood memories and all the respect I have for him. Can't believe that he was gone so soon. I don't know what to say to my uncle, aunt, and everyone involved. I wish I could be there and just hug them, cos that's all I can do. It hurts. It hurts so bad in my heart, but I'm only his cousin, imagine the tremendous pain that his parents, siblings, and my grandma must be experiencing. It hurts me even more if I try imagining that. Soon enough I will have to let go. But it's harder when we don't know the reason of his death.And no, I don't believe the newspapers. It can't be. We know him better than the journalists do.