Q: Why do I have to suffer?

Prologue: 

It was tough to decide whether or not to post this piece of my real diary.  After much thought, the benefits for others seems to outweigh the risks. 

So here we go :)

A Good Leader

Here we are! That time of the month when ur whole body & mind cry out for everything to pause. But they can't cos task after task just comes up.
I used to be reluctant to be a leader. Why would I become a bossy person? But now I realise, sometimes someone have GOT to step up. Why? Cos otherwise nothing gets done. Sometimes it's not good enough to just trust that people will do what they said they will. Sometimes you cannot expect someone to just realise what they have to do. Sometimes, you gotta be bossy if u want the best outcome for everyone. The difference between a crap boss and a good boss is just whether they boss around ppl too much on silly, insignificant things, or whether they boss around ppl on important things that are paramount.
Summary: Whether you like it or not, sometimes being bossy is necessary. A good leader leads by example.


On a side note, here is my favourite video of the month (or 2 months... or 3?)   

How to say? Part II

I can't belive it! IgniterMedia just uploaded a new video. And you know what? This video really sums up my feeling when I wrote my blog post "How to say?" last October. I guess I'm not the only one with this feeling! xD I'm sad to say, I still am not brave enough to say it though.....

Why do "Nice Guys" finish last?

I've been studying all the time these days. But offcourse Youtube vids would come in between. Just then, I was watching this series by WongFuProductions called "Just A Nice Guy". Halfway Part 1, I realised that sometimes "Nice Guys" misunderstood the reason why they might finish last.

1) Wes told Phil: "Girls want something different.They want confidence, cockiness, they want danger.They want a guy that can be their friend sometimes, but not always. Girls like jerks"
My convict: FALSE.

Let me say to you, I know a guy who's really good looking but man he's cocky and overconfident. That's a big BIG turn off!  His looks just disappear beneath all those bad personalities. I agree with confidence, girls do prefer their guy to be confident. If they're not, then why would girls trust the rest of their life in the "hands" of an unconfident guy? Plus, a confident guy would be brave enough to show his feelings to the girl he likes.

Also, I would want a guy who can be my friend all the time. If he and I will be together for the rest of our lives, it would be really lovely to have someone who's also my best friend.

I reckon that nice guys really are attractive (I know that was how I got attracted to my bf teehee). But the thing that makes them stay in the "guy who's my best friend but I will not date" zone is when they're too nice to every single girl they know. And they usually have more girl friends than guy friends.

Don't get me wrong, being nice to everybody is a good thing. But if you like a girl, you gotta treat her differently  (a.k.a nicerrr than other girls) and you gotta give them "hints". Doesn't mean you should downgrade your niceness to other girls though. Does that make sense? Why you may ask? Well, this is cos if you don't give "signs", then girls would've thought that you're just being nice just like how you usually are to other girls.

Girls have insecurities (not a hidden fact at all). So they wouldn't let themselves fall for a guy who's known to be very nice to all girls (in case we mistakenly thought that the guy like us but actually he's just being friendly). I reckon, this is where nice guys fall short. Girls would want a guy who are loyal to them and would love them like we're "the only girl in the world". So if this guy starts treating other girls the same as he would treat us, then it's gonna make us girls question your feelings for us.

That's all I wanna say. I hope it clears up some misunderstanding some guys might have. And I hope that nice guys don't turn into jerks just for the sake of getting a gf. Be yourself, be nice to everyone, but only "flirt" with the girl that you like.

DISCLAIMER: This is purely my opinion. There may be girls out there who likes jerks. But I think that if a girl is serious about a relationship, they wouldn't fall for jerks.Only girls who are out there to find fun would look for jerks. What do you girls/guys out there think??

The cure to sleeplessness (Intro)

Let me start by introducing you to my 2 lovely kids (uhm I mean dogs).                                

This is Shaki.He's the photogenic one out of the two. He LOVES dogs and people. Pretty hyperactive, very friendly, but he can growl if you give him a huge bone and try to take it back. His favourite activity would be walks to the park and visiting Toki. He's currently attempting to learn how to walk off-leash like PIppa.

 

This is Pippa (also known as Si Ndut or The Rouuuuuund One). She loves people and she likes to be the dominating Queen over other dogs (and ppl). She may look less pretty at first, but the more you know her, the more you'll fall in love with her. Why? Cos this girl LOVES to sleep (and eat). 

Her favourite activity would be:

 

Sleeping.....

  

and sleeping...

 

and sleeping

 

and offcourse... Sleeping <3

(To be continued....)

Maybe I'll get drunk again

If someone was to ask me, when would be ur lowest point in your uni life? My answer would be 3 weeks before the final exams. I find that it's during this time that I start losing all motivation to study and losing all that strength in me to push on.

The past few weeks, it's been a midsem test EACH week. And that consist of 6 weeks in total of midsems (2 of the units divide their midsems into 2 tests). After that's done, I still have 1 more test and 3 weeks into the finals. Problem is, after that full on 6 weeks of study, now I just lost all my drive (which is a big stress since I should technically start studying for the finals).

Even WORSE, 4 of our exams are in the first week. On one Friday, we have the hardest exam of them all in the morning, followed by ~6 hours gap, and then another exam in the evening. ZZzzzz.............

So anyways, it would be a really boring post if I was to explain the lil minute details of my exams.


I've just recently found out that my good primary school friend has a blog. She does Medicine in Indo and it was really encouraging to read a blog by someone who knows exactly what it's like to study something reallyyyyyyyyy "medical", nerdy and again nerdy (i.e. hours and hours and hours of study, hard work, and a lot of sacrifices on the social side)..... It really does take a lot of might and strength to push through. It's also especially hard to share about my uni troubles to people who are not really in the same shoes, cos it will probably bore them or might make them think I'm showing off or whatever (a lot of people kindly listen and encourage me though). It' always good to find someone who 'knows what it's like" (as previously experienced by me during my worst eczema ridden days). So anyway, I'll def be in the lookout for new posts on her blog for inspiration :) In case you wanna check it out:http://lifeinartandmed.tumblr.com/


The lesson I'd like to share with you today would be:
If you have problems (especially long term or really tough one), find someone who's been there before. The same goes if it's the other way around.  If you have been there before, share it with someone who's currently having the same prob as you. It really does make a diff! 


For now, I'll leave you to my current fave song. Hope your days have been good! :)

Pharmacy Panic

Uni's started aaaaaaghhh! Panic mode on. 

These backgrounds now lights up my laptop in the hope that it will inspire me to study bit by bit, slow but steady.. All the best for ya'll who are back at uni!

Wisdom of the day

Every girl is beautiful, as long 
as she's confident in her own skin. 

Confidence and inner beauty 
are all you need.

God works in His mysterious ways

It's 3:57AM now and I can't sleep. Aside from that, I got a story to tell!

Pharmacy is a constant struggle for me. The study load is just crazy, at least for someone with an average brain like me. As a lot of you know, I failed the Human Biology unit in my FIRST semester in my FIRST year of uni. Since then, I had only done 3 or 4 units each semester instead of the full 5 units. Nevertheless, I still found it really hard and I have to pretty much nerd it out every semester in order to pass the units.

Failing in a first year of uni is definitely one of the most disappointing things in life! Especially if it means I get left behind by 1 whole year compared to my peers, not just 1 semester! However, this allowed me to study crazy hard on just 3 or 4 units instead of 5. The result is, better marks than just a pass :) It also encouraged me to study harder, instead of slacking off like I did in first year.

So thank God that I failed Human Bio in first year coz I just got a letter from the School of Pharmacy with an enclosed invitation to a Prize Giving Ceremony for a "succesful academic year in 2011". Couldn't have done it without failing Human Bio haha.

The dress code is lounge suit.. What do I wear to that?? And I'm sorta nervous cos apparently academic and key industry stakeholders will be in attendance. And I'm not good with talking in large groups and approaching new people (especially if they are super-important people!). So good luck Mon! Hope it will be a worthwhile night!

PS: don't worry if things seem to go reallyyyyyy crappy. Everything do happen for different reasons. Good reasons! :)

And if you ever want to give up, observe this picture. DON'T! :)

Hello blog readers, long time no see!
As you know, I usually write blog posts when I'm stressed (usually during uni/exams), but tonight even though it's not stressful, I just feel like updating this long forgotten blog.
One week after the exams ended, I got a job! This job gotta be the best job I have ever had. Good people, good pay, good job, good gym-like workout on the job, good everything! Unfortunately (or fortunately?) I had the blessing of receiving another job, in which I learn more. I have told my manager  of the good place that I am resigning. Starting 2 weeks frm now, I shall be employed only by one company! Phew! What a relief! From there, I'll have a proper holiday which is only one a half month long. Lollies!
Oh well, hope you all had a good Christmas and a happy new year! Enjoy these last few days of ur holidays before uni comes back!!

How to say?

Have you ever been wanting to say something to someone very special for sooooo long already.. But you never could or never know how to? It's so frustrating sigh........ Just wanted to say at least a "Thank you".. but it's so hard!

Memories

Beware: if you're searching for uplifting inspiration, this post is definitely not it.And I apologise firsthand for pouring these uncheerful posts. I just find that writing is one of the best ways for me to pour out my feelings. And what's a better way than to post to the somehow anonymous world wide web.

It's been 3 days now since I heard of the news. I've got a midsem on Friday but seriously just cannot study properly. Mum and bro's in indo. The house's so quiet. And I don't particularly wanna study alone during these times. So library is where I reside, but each day instead of studying properly my mind just end up blurring into the reasons on why and how it might have happened.

I also started to think about the past. How when me, my sis, and bro were younger, we used to visit my cousin's family. We'd be so happy cos it means that it would be lots of fun times. One fond memory was when we used to pretend we were Power Rangers. My sister and my cousin's sister, got to choose who they want to be first. My sister was the pink one (Kimberley) and my cousin's sister was the Yellow Power Ranger. My bro was the blue, and my cousin chose the Red one. Since I was the youngest, I was left to become the Black power ranger. I used to complain, but now I think about it, it's still pretty cool!

Another memory was when all 5 of us were watching some men playing billiard (pool). I was so young then and I was so captivated by the game, I didn't realise my sister, bro, and my 2 cousins left me alone and hid behind a bush. Apparently they saw a crazy woman coming near and they quickly hide, leaving me behind. Suddenly the crazy woman (I didn't know she was crazy) talked to me: "Aunty kiss you okay??" And she bent down and kissed me. Then all 4 of them laughed from behind the bushes. I was like: grrhhhhh u guys r so mean!!! Later on my uncle and aunty laughed after hearing the story and told me to wash my cheek.

Lots of other memories.. of those fun times.. Then we grew up, my family moved to Australia, so the last time I met him would be about 7 or 8 years ago. It's so sad that now we will never have a chance to meet him and catch up.

Today, me and my sister looked through some blogs and threads posted in memory of my cousin by his friends. There was this blog post from his med friend. Reading about it made me so proud, because the stuff that makes me respect him is not just in my mind, but that friend and lots others think the same way too. Tomorrow would be his burial. Let's hope that everyone can finally let go.. It may have been the closing of one's chapter, but there's still new pages to be filled by the rest of us.

Up and down

Things were going really good until..................................... Sunday morning.
Heard the news that my cousin passed away. Just cannot believe it. He is so young. The boy everyone's proud of. He graduated to be a doctor, had a big dream of specializing in Cardiology and paved out his plans (to study PhD and to become a fellow professor in Paris). He was inspired to be a cardiologist after my grandpa passed away cos of stroke. He was known as the caring, loving, mature brother. His younger brother love him so much. He didn't waste his parents money even though they were rich. He strives to achieve not by money or his parent's power, but by his own abilities (even though these days anything can be gained via money esp in Indo). He invented a device that's affordable for the poorer people to diagnose cancer early and was sent by the university to give a talk in Netherlands about it. He was an awesome drummer in his band. He was known among his lecturers. Anyone who knew him in person would be proud to even be an acquaintance. But the Lord has His ways. All things come to an end, and sadly he was called back home. It saddens me so much to think about the childhood memories and all the respect I have for him. Can't believe that he was gone so soon. I don't know what to say to my uncle, aunt, and everyone involved. I wish I could be there and just hug them, cos that's all I can do. It hurts. It hurts so bad in my heart, but I'm only his cousin, imagine the tremendous pain that his parents, siblings, and my grandma must be experiencing. It hurts me even more if I try imagining that. Soon enough I will have to let go. But it's harder when we don't know the reason of his death.And no, I don't believe the newspapers. It can't be. We know him better than the journalists do.

Hore!! (hurrayyy!)

Before the week break, we had 3 midsems, I studied so much for Antimicrobial Chemotherpies cos it was a hard unit and I really was not confident. Come the night before the exam, I found out that it was only worth 15%! Eek!! Should've studied more on Biochemical Pharmacolog which is worth 30%! By the time I had to study for BP, for some reason I lost all the motivation to study. I was stressing so much cos of the fact that I couldn't study!! So pissed at myself too! On the 2nd day, I gained some composure and started studying very slowly with lots of procrastination. On the last night, I fully cannot study. Shawn told me to at least study the ones I know will come up on the exam. I knew the lecturer said METHOTREXATE is definitely going to be in long answer part, but still I could not study and I just gave up! I cried and went to sleep cos I know it was useless to stay up longer.
Did the exam. And guess what? No METHOTREXATE question! Instead, the lecturer put this ~10 marks question on antihistamines, which I knew really well cos I use antihistamines on a regular basis! xD So I put my 2 favourite antihistamines in (Loratidine and Fexofenadine) as the examples. I knew the side effects cos they always make me sleepy and apparently dry mouth (which I don't experience). I take them once a day so the half life must be about 12 hours. And I fully guessed the rest of the columns. Finished the exam. Talked to some people, told them that I probably failed. Went home and tried to forget about it.

Today, the results came out! AND I PASSED :D Thank You Lord!

PS: the lecturer told us the next week after the exam that the Unit Coordinator changed the METHOTREXATE question into antihistamines last minute (2 days before the exam date) cos she thought the MCQ could give us hints on the answer. How "lucky" is that for me?? xD

More observations about difficulities in life

Continuing from the previous post, a conversation with Shawn made me realise that difficulities really do make us strong. How did I come up to this conclusion? Well, I was telling Shawn about someone really inspiring (I forgot who we were talking about haha) and Shawn asked: "Did he/she have a tragic story?" then I said, "No, why must everyone inspiring have a tragic story??" Shawn replied: "Well, probably cos they've been through the worst and so they become hard working and inspiring and stuff.."


Hmmm.... that is so true! Some examples are powerful people like:
1) Steve Jobs, the founder of Apple who was adopted but he became the man who created new items that noone imagined before

2) Oprah Winfrey was "a victim of sexual abuse" when she was 14 (Wikipedia) and now she's one of the richest, most influential women in the world

3) Michael Jackson, Nicki Minaj, Eminem, and lots others all had troubled childhood but channeled their energy into music, some writing songs about their past.
4) Mother Teresa lived in a poor ridden country with dying people around her. She then started taking care of them, even if they were dying because she reckoned that ""Being unwanted, unloved, uncared for, forgotten by everybody, I think that is a much greater hunger, a much greater poverty than the person who has nothing to eat."

Now, did their difficulities prevent them from living?? No way, instead of being hopelessly sad in their unfortunate lives, they go on with more drive than most of us who have "easy" lives compared to them. They fight against all odds in reaching their dreams, whilst inspiring others. So if you have a hard life.... Don't despair! You could be the next person in the list of TIME 100 Most Influential People :D

Problems = what you need

Sometimes in life we want so many things.. But instead we get problems coming our way. I found the perfect answer to this dilemma that I wanna share with everyone:


I asked for strength, and God gave me difficulties to make me strong.
I asked for wisdom, and God gave me problems to solve.
I asked for prosperity, and God gave me brain and brawn to work.
I asked for courage, and God gave me obstacles to overcome.
I asked for love, and God gave me troubled people to help.
I asked for favors, and God gave me opportunities.
I received nothing I wanted, but I received everything I needed. 
(by Pdt. Timur Citra Sari, told by Ci Devina)


I reckon it's so true..... When you get problems, it could actually be a way to get what you wanted and needed. Hope you found your answer just as I did today :)

let the music play 'cos I love it that way!

These are the songs I love to play during different moods!
             Mood                      Song            

Boo-yeah! I can face anything!!! Nicki Minaj - Superbass

I need some strength :(  Casting Crowns - Praise You in This Storm

Sad (absolute fave song atm!) Demi Lovato - Skyscraper

Feeling for some T.O.P  Big Bang - I Hate This Love Song

Lovey-dovey  Nicki Minaj - Your Love

Serene  Coldplay - Christmas Lights

What's yours?

PERSISTENCE. PERSEVERANCE.

Those would be my mum's favourite words (she was even more delighted when Obama said the same words in his speech). Probably pretty good ones to be the favourites. During busy weeks like these days, I feel like those two words are more difficult to act on than to speak. Thoughts such as "you don't belong in Pharmacy" or "You're not smart enough!" or "Should've moved to nursing in first year!" just constantly run in my mind (just like the monkey in Homer Simpson's brain).

  

Nevertheless, it's too late to change courses now anyway, so it's probably best to just give it the best try! The picture of the pharmacy below now stands in my desktop background (in the hope to inspire me to study so that in the future I might own that pretty pharmacy haha).


All the best everyone in anything that's currently challenging you! 

"Perseverance is the hard work you do after you get tired of doing the hard work you already did."  Newt Gingrich

Not an argument, more like an observation and an opinion

These days, I several times see articles as well as an "Insight" program on "Should Ethics class be added to the school curriculum for the kids who are not doing RE?" Some parents demand their children's school to do this. However, it makes me think, why did those parents send their kids to these religious schools anyway? I mean, the founder of the school must have had a vision on why he/she made the school, and maybe it is to provide a school environment where children of the same religion can learn both general education as well as more about their religion. However, it is the parents choice to enrol the kids or not, and when the kids grow up, it will be the kids choice to believe it or not anyway. Parents have lots of school choices, so why send the kid there if they don't agree to the RE classes?

Another thing I've been thinking about is, some people say "Wars are caused by religion. If there were no religion, there would be no wars." Hm............. What do you guys think? I understand religion has been used numerous times as excuses for wars, but is it really because of religion? I think it's more like because it is our human nature to be competitive and to try "correct" others the way we want them to be. Wars are also started because of greed and hunger for power. For example, World War I and II, some of the biggest wars in the history of the world. Were they caused by religion? I don't think so.

What do you think?

An Awesome Award :D

This award was kindly offered by my coolest fellow blogger ACHINK. Apparently, there are several stuff one needs to do when given this award! Unfortunately, it's in indo, so i'll just have to translate them into English LOL.

Translated from Achink's blog:

1) The tagged person must also post 10 things about themselves

2) Must pick 5 people to tag

3) Must visit their blog and notify them that they have been tagged

4) Don't tag back (don't tag) the person who posted the award to you 

Happy posting!

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10 things about me!

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1) I really LOVE art. I love drawing, decorating, rearranging, colouring.. you name it! Choosing Pharmacy meant abandoning the dream of becoming an interior architect. But I didn't regret doing that cos I know that I can always have art as a hobby :) Even when I cook, I don't really have passion in it or anything, I just love garnishing, decorating, and arranging the food afterwards teehee


2) I'm a self confessed NARUTARD. I don't know if that's the right word for naruto fans, but a friend calls me a fellow narutard so~ Anyways, I highly recommend this anime, u guys should ALL watch naruto hohoho.. it's so inspiring, funny, and kool!


3) I'm also a tryhard. In everything I do, especially the things I'm not very good at, I really try hard.. Even if it means getting overly stressed (not sure if that's good or not haha)


4) I often think deep, sometimes too deep to the point that things start to become negative (read: I can often be a pessimist). I'm so thankful though, that I am surrounded by people who are light hearted, easy going, don't think stuff too deep, and helps me to see the bright outlook in everything :)


5) I sometimes consider being a psychologist. Why? I actually don't really know lol. It was never my dream job, but somehow I feel like I "might" be good at it. Maybe. Starting from end of high school until now, I've had 4 friends who opened up to me about some issues. And I've always felt that I want to listen, I want to help. But then I guess, you don't need to be a psychologist to help. And during uni, a number of friends started telling me their problems and asking for my advice about relationship, life, etc etc.. So I was like, hm.... And then, at the end of last year, a friend was having a get together before she left to Indo for good, and we asked her to tell each one of us a short message. And when it was my turn, she told me that I should study Master in Pscyhology after I'm done with Bachelor of Pharmacy, and another friend agreed to that. So in my mind I was like "what the................." haha! cos I was thinking about it wayy before she said that.. but anyway, I don't think I will at the moment....


oh crap, I just realised I need to write 10. Woopsie, wrote too much on the first 5 xD


6) I LOVE chewy food! e.g udon noodles, korean rice cakes, cilok, gnocchi, mochi, klepon, and many more.....


7) I have a favourite lecturer. Does anyone else have one? I feel so nerdy now LOL.. My favourite lecturer/tutor is ANDREW MCWILLIAM. He is the best :) Why? His jokes are funny and he gives hints on what will come up in the exams hehe


8) I'm very shy around new people. 


9) I don't say "typo", instead I say "spello"


10) My favourite cereals are Cheerios and Milo DUO *
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This prestigious award is now given to....
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1) Cass
2) Hanna
3) Emil
4) Rosalind
5) Kelvin
Have fun guys! :D