Wednesday, February 17, 2010

im back?


so........... as the title said.. im back.... with a question mark.. haha..
rite now....... i dont tink i shud be writing a blog.. since im scared that i may reveallll sum probs that my friend is having... but another friend told me a few minutes ago.. to write again.. and i think i will, just to pour out all my thoughtsss so that i can be there for my friend.. and keep listening to everything that she has to say, by getting rid of my own thoughts for once and for all...

So before writing this post.. i had a quick flick through my own blog.. and i was reminded of "those days" when my eczema was really bad....
Im happy to say.. its better now :)
like much better.. than before.. i even forget i hav it sumtimes!! except during sum days when it wud come bak.. but now that i know how to treat it and take care of it.. it doesnt last long..and i feel normal again? xD But i do still remind myself from time to time about that feeling when i had it bad.. coz it just helps to keep myself grounded and to keep being humble.. coz u know what.. no matter how good u are.. nobodys perfectt and its good to keep that in mind.. so that u dont accidentally or intentionally step on other ppl just coz u think ure so good.

So anyway... these past few monthsss.. well probably the past 2 months i guess....
my friend had been caught in a reallyy reallyy deepp complicated problem.. i knew about it all along.. and hav always been positive minded and hopeful that it will get better with time..
but these past few days, its actually gotten worse, to the point that nothing i say, nothing i do can make my friend happy...
and that really made me sad.. and made me think about another friend.. who is in a hospital, treated for depression.
And to be honest, I dont want this friend of mine to go through that too. I dont tink she will, but i cant help getting scared of this happening.

and today........ after i got home from work... i got a message from her... and after thatt i just cried.. for like a few minutes... and i remember thingking to myself.. omg.. maybe im affectedd now.. and i told myselff.. thats itt i gotta get away.. so i went on msn.. talked to sum friends...

I talked to this one friend that i really trust.. And i really wanted to pour out all my thoughts.. just to get my head clearer.. becuz who can help a friend in need, when u urself is having problems rite?
So i did.. and i nearly said things that may reveal the problem to this friend that i trust... but i remembered not to say the actual problem becuz he doesnt know about it.. so i asked him:
D u know about the problem?
and then he goes: No, I dont. And dont tell me.

So, for sum reason.. probably me in my sensitive mode.. take that as him thingking that im a bad friend.. who just goes on blabbing about other ppls problems to random ppl.. And that really hurt me. So nvm about telling my feelings rite...
So i just went quiet for a while.. was planning to ignore him for everrr.. i deleted him off my favourites list. But then.. i told him,, "so u think im a bad friend huh??"
and he goes: No
but i was thingking in my mind.. "whatever man.. nvm.. u dont understand"
so i ignored him... and went off to talk to other ppl..

And then just at the right time.. another friend of mine.. talked to me.. and we both are having problems with uni enrollment... and she said: this suxx..
and i went: "yeah i know.. sighh.. and life is not that good atm.. and likee i SOHHH dont wanna think about these pharmacy units rite now.. >.< but i hav to..pooh!" and then she asked me: "why is life not good atm?" and then i told her.. "coz my friend is having probss and i dont know what to do.." and she gave me sum advice.. she told me to hang in there.. keep being there for her..even though what i say may not help at all.. but being there is good already.. and that really encouraged me.. like.. A LOT! i really thanked her for that.... becuz after pouring all my worries.. it just made me feel so much better and ready to go bak.. listening :) and thennn.. during all these time.. my friend.. the one i trust and the one that made me think im a bad friend,, and the one that hurt me for a second.. talked on msn.. he said: "back. and you now have my undivided attention" *but i was busy listening to my friend and writing my blog at the same time, and talking to several other people so i ignored him.. sorryyyyy ahahha.. " and then he goes: ok fine. don't use it. *and that just made me LAUGH ahahahahah... but i still ignored him.. sorryyyy againnnnn if ure reading thiss* and then after a while.. he nudged me.. i didnt realise coz i disable the thing.. but the next time i checked there were like 3 nudges.. and that made me smilee xD so, sorry for ignoring uu but u made me laugh.. xD ahahhahahaha and i will talk to u soon.. probably after writing this blog xD And then........ i told my friend thats having probs.. that im writing a blog now.. and i let her read everything that ive written so far.. its probably boring since its so long.. xD but i just hope that it helps to let her know how much i care.. and to reassure her, that all her friends do care and we're here for uuu... so even though we may not help.. just know that we're here for u kayy!!! :) And then.. theres another friend.. who wanted a special mention :P He's called DUMDUM and he likes to say Merry Christmas :p ahahaha... is that a good enuf mention? xD And yeah.. so in overall.. i dont know what to say anymore.. but defintely feeling better after writing this.. and i dont tink this post will help anyone.. xD but if it does then good :) if it doesnt... umm at least it helped me.. xD and as an ending note.. i guess..... if ure out there having probsss..... im sure that ure not alone.. ( this sounds like what i said in previous posts :S ) and even though u dont know the future, and even though the future can be pretty scary since we dont know..... just... stay positive.. know thatttt no matter how much shit is happenin in ur life.. know also that theres HEAPSSS MOREEE blesssings in ur life! :)
and there wud be those momentss when nothing can make u feel happyy but at least knowwww that u hav ur friends there...
its like this quote i copied off sumwhere:
"Friends are like stars, sumtimes u cant see them, but they're always there"

Hehe... :D

OH: and HOW CUTEEE IS THIS PICTUREE!!!! credits to Evermore Photography.. :)