Memories

Beware: if you're searching for uplifting inspiration, this post is definitely not it.And I apologise firsthand for pouring these uncheerful posts. I just find that writing is one of the best ways for me to pour out my feelings. And what's a better way than to post to the somehow anonymous world wide web.

It's been 3 days now since I heard of the news. I've got a midsem on Friday but seriously just cannot study properly. Mum and bro's in indo. The house's so quiet. And I don't particularly wanna study alone during these times. So library is where I reside, but each day instead of studying properly my mind just end up blurring into the reasons on why and how it might have happened.

I also started to think about the past. How when me, my sis, and bro were younger, we used to visit my cousin's family. We'd be so happy cos it means that it would be lots of fun times. One fond memory was when we used to pretend we were Power Rangers. My sister and my cousin's sister, got to choose who they want to be first. My sister was the pink one (Kimberley) and my cousin's sister was the Yellow Power Ranger. My bro was the blue, and my cousin chose the Red one. Since I was the youngest, I was left to become the Black power ranger. I used to complain, but now I think about it, it's still pretty cool!

Another memory was when all 5 of us were watching some men playing billiard (pool). I was so young then and I was so captivated by the game, I didn't realise my sister, bro, and my 2 cousins left me alone and hid behind a bush. Apparently they saw a crazy woman coming near and they quickly hide, leaving me behind. Suddenly the crazy woman (I didn't know she was crazy) talked to me: "Aunty kiss you okay??" And she bent down and kissed me. Then all 4 of them laughed from behind the bushes. I was like: grrhhhhh u guys r so mean!!! Later on my uncle and aunty laughed after hearing the story and told me to wash my cheek.

Lots of other memories.. of those fun times.. Then we grew up, my family moved to Australia, so the last time I met him would be about 7 or 8 years ago. It's so sad that now we will never have a chance to meet him and catch up.

Today, me and my sister looked through some blogs and threads posted in memory of my cousin by his friends. There was this blog post from his med friend. Reading about it made me so proud, because the stuff that makes me respect him is not just in my mind, but that friend and lots others think the same way too. Tomorrow would be his burial. Let's hope that everyone can finally let go.. It may have been the closing of one's chapter, but there's still new pages to be filled by the rest of us.

Up and down

Things were going really good until..................................... Sunday morning.
Heard the news that my cousin passed away. Just cannot believe it. He is so young. The boy everyone's proud of. He graduated to be a doctor, had a big dream of specializing in Cardiology and paved out his plans (to study PhD and to become a fellow professor in Paris). He was inspired to be a cardiologist after my grandpa passed away cos of stroke. He was known as the caring, loving, mature brother. His younger brother love him so much. He didn't waste his parents money even though they were rich. He strives to achieve not by money or his parent's power, but by his own abilities (even though these days anything can be gained via money esp in Indo). He invented a device that's affordable for the poorer people to diagnose cancer early and was sent by the university to give a talk in Netherlands about it. He was an awesome drummer in his band. He was known among his lecturers. Anyone who knew him in person would be proud to even be an acquaintance. But the Lord has His ways. All things come to an end, and sadly he was called back home. It saddens me so much to think about the childhood memories and all the respect I have for him. Can't believe that he was gone so soon. I don't know what to say to my uncle, aunt, and everyone involved. I wish I could be there and just hug them, cos that's all I can do. It hurts. It hurts so bad in my heart, but I'm only his cousin, imagine the tremendous pain that his parents, siblings, and my grandma must be experiencing. It hurts me even more if I try imagining that. Soon enough I will have to let go. But it's harder when we don't know the reason of his death.And no, I don't believe the newspapers. It can't be. We know him better than the journalists do.

Hore!! (hurrayyy!)

Before the week break, we had 3 midsems, I studied so much for Antimicrobial Chemotherpies cos it was a hard unit and I really was not confident. Come the night before the exam, I found out that it was only worth 15%! Eek!! Should've studied more on Biochemical Pharmacolog which is worth 30%! By the time I had to study for BP, for some reason I lost all the motivation to study. I was stressing so much cos of the fact that I couldn't study!! So pissed at myself too! On the 2nd day, I gained some composure and started studying very slowly with lots of procrastination. On the last night, I fully cannot study. Shawn told me to at least study the ones I know will come up on the exam. I knew the lecturer said METHOTREXATE is definitely going to be in long answer part, but still I could not study and I just gave up! I cried and went to sleep cos I know it was useless to stay up longer.
Did the exam. And guess what? No METHOTREXATE question! Instead, the lecturer put this ~10 marks question on antihistamines, which I knew really well cos I use antihistamines on a regular basis! xD So I put my 2 favourite antihistamines in (Loratidine and Fexofenadine) as the examples. I knew the side effects cos they always make me sleepy and apparently dry mouth (which I don't experience). I take them once a day so the half life must be about 12 hours. And I fully guessed the rest of the columns. Finished the exam. Talked to some people, told them that I probably failed. Went home and tried to forget about it.

Today, the results came out! AND I PASSED :D Thank You Lord!

PS: the lecturer told us the next week after the exam that the Unit Coordinator changed the METHOTREXATE question into antihistamines last minute (2 days before the exam date) cos she thought the MCQ could give us hints on the answer. How "lucky" is that for me?? xD

More observations about difficulities in life

Continuing from the previous post, a conversation with Shawn made me realise that difficulities really do make us strong. How did I come up to this conclusion? Well, I was telling Shawn about someone really inspiring (I forgot who we were talking about haha) and Shawn asked: "Did he/she have a tragic story?" then I said, "No, why must everyone inspiring have a tragic story??" Shawn replied: "Well, probably cos they've been through the worst and so they become hard working and inspiring and stuff.."


Hmmm.... that is so true! Some examples are powerful people like:
1) Steve Jobs, the founder of Apple who was adopted but he became the man who created new items that noone imagined before

2) Oprah Winfrey was "a victim of sexual abuse" when she was 14 (Wikipedia) and now she's one of the richest, most influential women in the world

3) Michael Jackson, Nicki Minaj, Eminem, and lots others all had troubled childhood but channeled their energy into music, some writing songs about their past.
4) Mother Teresa lived in a poor ridden country with dying people around her. She then started taking care of them, even if they were dying because she reckoned that ""Being unwanted, unloved, uncared for, forgotten by everybody, I think that is a much greater hunger, a much greater poverty than the person who has nothing to eat."

Now, did their difficulities prevent them from living?? No way, instead of being hopelessly sad in their unfortunate lives, they go on with more drive than most of us who have "easy" lives compared to them. They fight against all odds in reaching their dreams, whilst inspiring others. So if you have a hard life.... Don't despair! You could be the next person in the list of TIME 100 Most Influential People :D

Problems = what you need

Sometimes in life we want so many things.. But instead we get problems coming our way. I found the perfect answer to this dilemma that I wanna share with everyone:


I asked for strength, and God gave me difficulties to make me strong.
I asked for wisdom, and God gave me problems to solve.
I asked for prosperity, and God gave me brain and brawn to work.
I asked for courage, and God gave me obstacles to overcome.
I asked for love, and God gave me troubled people to help.
I asked for favors, and God gave me opportunities.
I received nothing I wanted, but I received everything I needed. 
(by Pdt. Timur Citra Sari, told by Ci Devina)


I reckon it's so true..... When you get problems, it could actually be a way to get what you wanted and needed. Hope you found your answer just as I did today :)

let the music play 'cos I love it that way!

These are the songs I love to play during different moods!
             Mood                      Song            

Boo-yeah! I can face anything!!! Nicki Minaj - Superbass

I need some strength :(  Casting Crowns - Praise You in This Storm

Sad (absolute fave song atm!) Demi Lovato - Skyscraper

Feeling for some T.O.P  Big Bang - I Hate This Love Song

Lovey-dovey  Nicki Minaj - Your Love

Serene  Coldplay - Christmas Lights

What's yours?